Chapter 4 - The Frameworks Were Always for Me First: How THX Became My Map to Freedom
From the book, Living as a Cathedral of Awe
Living as a Cathedral of Awe Book
At the beginning, I didn’t know what I was building.
I thought I was solving professional problems.
Helping businesses understand customers.
Improving systems.
Creating transformation.
All of that was true.
But underneath it — deeper than even I realized —
I was building the world I needed.
The world that had never been given to me.
The world I had been trying to find since I was a child,
searching the faces of adults, the teachings of churches, the rules of institutions,
asking silently:
"Where is safety?"
"Where is fairness?"
"Where is love that doesn’t disappear when I fail?"
The 12 Utilities.
PERMAH.
The Admiration Equation.
Prospect Theory.
Micro-Moments.
They weren’t just tools.
They were lifelines.
Each one answering the silent questions I had carried for years:
Is it available when I need it? (Availability)
Can I reach it without fear? (Access)
Will it protect me instead of punish me? (Security)
Will I understand it clearly, without guessing? (Clarity)
Will it be easy enough for me to use, even when I am afraid? (Ease of Use)
Will it do what it says, not betray my trust? (Accuracy)
Will it be fast enough to meet my need before fear takes over? (Speed)
Will it stay the same, not change when I most need stability? (Consistency)
Will it offer closure instead of endless uncertainty? (Closure)
Will it make me feel whole, not small? (Emotion Evoked)
Will it honor the resources I have to give — time, energy, hope? (Resource)
Will it be truly worth it, worth the cost, worth my faith? (Value)
Every Utility mirrored a basic human need I had learned to doubt in myself.
Every framework became a self-constructed bridge out of the fog of my upbringing.
THX didn't come from theory alone.
It came from lived survival.
It came from the cracks in trust and belonging.
It came from the necessity of re-creating in the world
what I had been denied in childhood, in faith, in early adulthood.
THX is the system that answers the primal, aching question:
"What makes life feel safe, dignified, and worth living?"
Even PERMAH — the flourishing model — wasn’t just an academic concept to me.
It was a map out of trauma:
Positive Emotion — because fear was my native language, and I had to learn joy as a second language.
Engagement — because dissociation was once survival, and now I long to be present in my own life.
Relationships — because connection had been a battleground, not a refuge.
Meaning — because blind obedience offered no purpose, only repetition.
Achievement — because I needed to know I could build something real, something mine.
Health & Wellbeing — because my body and mind had carried the scars of invisible wars.
THX isn't just about better experiences.
It's about building a better existence.
Even the Admiration Equation — skill, goodness, awe, gratitude —
It was a silent declaration against the world of conditional love I grew up in.
A rebellion against the worship of dominance.
A rebuilding of emotional truth:
Skill mattered because promises without competence are cruelty.
Goodness mattered because intent without care is hollow.
Awe mattered because wonder is how the soul remembers it is alive.
Gratitude mattered because survival is not enough — being seen, helped, and lifted matters.
I realize now:
THX wasn't something I built "on the side" of my healing journey.
THX is my healing journey.
It is the scaffolding I created to survive a world of shifting sands.
It is the compass I trusted when nothing else made sense.
It is the architecture I built from my own lived experience
to make sure I never had to live without clarity, dignity, or safety again.
Today, when I teach THX, when I write about it, when I refine it —
I’m not just offering a method.
I’m offering a way home.
A way home to myself, first.
And then, for anyone who needs it, a way home to themselves too.
Because in the end,
healing isn't about escaping the past.
It's about reclaiming the power to define your future —
on your own terms, with your own hands, and your own voice.
THX is how I did it.
And how I continue to do it — every single day.
Next: Chapter 5 - I Knew the Pain Before I Knew the Name: How the Utilities, PERMAH, and Admiration Were Born
Recognizing the echoes of human pain and hope in others because I had lived them myself.
