I’m Allowed to Take Up Space
From The Healing Series
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Reclaiming voice, presence, and the right to belong without shrinking
There was a time I measured my worth in smallness.
I was proud of not needing much.
Proud of being easygoing, flexible, low-maintenance.
Proud of disappearing so others could shine.
But beneath that pride was a quiet ache:
What if I’m not supposed to be small to be safe?
What if my presence was never the problem?
Smallness Was a Survival Skill
When being seen meant being targeted, I learned invisibility.
When speaking up led to conflict, I learned silence.
When I was praised for being “so mature,” I learned to carry more than I should.
But shrinking didn’t keep me safe.
It kept me separate.
From connection. From joy. From truth.
I Didn’t Just Shrink. I Split.
The ache I felt wasn’t just from being small.
It was from being split—between what I was taught to believe and what I actually knew deep inside.
I was raised to trust authority, to submit, to smooth things over.
I was taught that certainty came from outside me.
That strong emotions were a threat.
That disagreeing meant dishonor.
So I learned to go along… until I couldn’t anymore.
Then, like clockwork, something in me would rise.
Not with rage, but with truth.
I would finally say: “No. This isn’t right for me.”
And every time, it shocked people.
They called me angry.
They told me to apologize.
They said I was the problem.
But I wasn’t angry.
I was remembering.
And the cost of forgetting myself had finally grown too high.
This happened again and again—until finally, during my marriage, it broke something wide open.
And now, five years later, I finally feel like me.
Safe in my truth.
Whole in my presence.
No longer outsourcing my identity to someone else’s comfort.
Taking Up Space Now Looks Like…
Saying no without explaining
Laughing loudly
Wearing what feels good in my body
Naming what I want without shame
Making eye contact and not flinching
Not over-apologizing for existing
It’s not about domination.
It’s about presence.
It’s about being whole—without editing.
THX Frameworks That Help Me Reclaim My Space
This stage of healing is about embodiment.
About unshrinking.
About no longer asking permission to be real.
12 Utilities:
Access: I let people access me, not a filtered version
Ease of Use: I stop overthinking how to “be less”
Clarity: I speak clearly instead of shrinking into subtext
Emotion Evoked: My presence stirs connection, not fear
Value: I have nothing to prove to deserve space
PERMAH:
Positive Emotion: I feel joy in expressing myself
Relationships: I belong when I stop pretending
Achievement: Reclaiming space is a milestone—especially when silence was survival
Admiration Equation:
I admire those who live boldly and honestly
I admire myself for taking up space after years of making myself smaller
I feel awe that presence—real presence—is now something I can offer
A Blessing for This Stage
May I never again apologize for being too much.
May I never again shrink for someone else’s comfort.
May I speak, sit, laugh, cry, rest, and move like I belong here—because I do.May I let my voice be heard.
My body be seen.
My truth be felt.Because I am allowed to take up space.
And I’m done asking permission.
Reflection Prompts
Where do I still try to be small to stay safe?
What does “taking up space” look like in my life today?
What part of me longs to be seen, but still hides?
Who am I when I stop shrinking?
EXIT - When Healing Means Letting Go (Again)
Some goodbyes happen more than once. That’s not failure—it’s integration.
