The Fear of Being Loved
From The Healing Series
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When the thing I crave most feels too dangerous to hold
I thought I was afraid of rejection.
Of abandonment. Of betrayal.
But underneath it all—beneath the heartbreak, the hyper-vigilance, the overthinking—
was something even harder to admit:
I was afraid of being loved.
Real love.
Unconditional.
Soft.
Present.
Because love that stays?
Love that sees and doesn’t run?
That kind of love demands receiving.
And receiving demands trust.
Why Being Loved Can Feel Terrifying
Love, for many of us, used to be transactional:
Be helpful, and you’ll be included.
Be agreeable, and you’ll be safe.
Be strong, and you’ll be admired.
So when love comes without strings,
when someone says “You don’t have to do anything to earn this”—
something in me panics.
What do I owe in return?
When will it be taken away?
What happens if I let it in and then lose it?
I want it.
But I also flinch from it.
That is the paradox of healing.
What Fear of Love Looks Like
Distrusting compliments
Keeping people at arm’s length
Picking fights when things feel too good
Shutting down when you feel truly seen
Looking for red flags that match old wounds
It’s not self-sabotage.
It’s self-protection—on autopilot.
And healing isn’t about shaming the fear.
It’s about meeting it.
With compassion. With patience. With truth.
THX Frameworks for Letting Love In, Even When It’s Scary
This is where healing meets intimacy—not with another person first, but with yourself.
12 Utilities:
Security: I deserve love that doesn’t hurt to hold
Clarity: I can name the difference between fear and danger
Emotion Evoked: I allow joy and fear to coexist
Value: I am lovable—even when I’m not “useful”
Closure: I release the old contract where love required self-abandonment
PERMAH:
Relationships: I connect without recreating old pain
Positive Emotion: I let love feel good, not suspicious
Health & Wellbeing: Love no longer costs me my peace
Admiration Equation:
I admire the courage it takes to receive
I admire others who stay soft when they could shut down
I feel awe at how love can be safe, sacred, and slow
A Blessing for This Stage
May I honor how far I’ve come.
May I recognize that fear once ruled—but no longer decides.May I hold relationships with an open hand,
and my own soul with an open heart.May I receive the love already here,
and trust the love still to come.May I radiate calm.
May I rest in confidence.Because I no longer fear being loved.
I am loved.
And I can feel it now.
Reflection Prompts
What part of being loved still feels unsafe—and why?
When do I flinch from closeness even though I want it?
What version of love am I now ready to receive?
What do I admire about the way I am learning to let love in?
NEXT - My Needs Are Not a Burden
Needing is not weakness. It’s how we build real connection.
