The Space Between Who I Was and Who I’m Becoming
From The Healing Series
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Learning to live in the in-between without rushing the transformation
There’s a place in healing no one talks about enough:
The middle.
Not the crisis that broke everything.
Not the breakthrough that changed everything.
But the quiet, stretchy space in between.
Where I’m no longer who I was.
But not quite who I’m becoming.
And it feels… strange.
Wobbly.
Uncertain.
Beautiful, sometimes.
Empty, sometimes.
A holy liminal ground.
In the In-Between, Old Habits Don’t Fit—But New Ones Aren’t Ready
This is where:
Old defense mechanisms feel too heavy
New patterns feel unfamiliar
You know what’s no longer true—but don’t yet know what’s fully real
It’s like no longer wearing shoes you’ve outgrown… barefoot.
Exposed. But freer.
The temptation is to rush it.
To fill the void with noise, or new goals, or another relationship.
But if I breathe here long enough…
I meet the version of me that’s trying to arrive.
What Living in the In-Between Teaches Me
That rest is still progress
That stillness is where truth catches up to me
That I don’t need to be “fixed” to be whole
That patience isn’t passive—it’s profound
This is where I stop becoming for others—
and start becoming for myself.
Living in the In-Between: A Personal Truth
One of the clearest in-between moments of my life came in June 2020.
I had an epiphany—not loud, but undeniable:
“I’m done with this version of our marriage.”
That didn’t mean I was leaving.
It meant I was finished with the patterns.
With abandoning myself to keep peace that wasn’t peaceful.
With carrying both of us while growing alone.
By that point, I had already done 13 years of deep personal work.
I was evolving. She wasn’t.
And the gap between us was widening—emotionally, spiritually, energetically.
I chose to stay—not in denial, but in truth.
To hold boundaries.
To stop shrinking.
To give her a chance to rise, while I stood fully in my own becoming.
It took almost exactly one year before I told her we were separating.
And for the three years of separation that followed, I lived in the sacred space we rarely talk about:
I protected myself from my wife.
I protected our daughters from their mother.
I built a life for all of us to thrive—whether we healed together or apart.
I hoped she would rise.
But she didn’t.
And when I watched her grow in a direction I could no longer walk beside, I knew.
It was over.
Not with rage. Not with blame.
But with a quiet knowing:
I am no longer the man who can stay here.
And she is no longer the woman I can stay for.
THX Frameworks for the Liminal Space
This is where frameworks feel like companions—not rules.
12 Utilities:
Clarity: I may not know who I’m becoming, but I know I’m done being who I was
Access: I listen to myself more than I listen to the noise
Ease of Use: I let the unfolding be messy without needing to control it
Consistency: I keep showing up, even when the outcome is unclear
Value: My becoming is valid, even if it's invisible right now
PERMAH:
Meaning: The middle is where the most sacred stories are written
Positive Emotion: I find glimmers—if not full light
Health & Wellbeing: I slow down so my system can recalibrate
Admiration Equation:
I admire the quiet bravery of being unfinished
I admire those who sit in the stretch without rushing
I feel awe that becoming is not a race—it’s a return
A Blessing for This Stage
May I stop trying to hurry the moment that’s changing me.
May I let the pause be part of the progress.May I honor the in-between as sacred ground—
not as purgatory, but as a portal.May I walk slowly.
May I listen deeply.
May I allow the becoming to unfold at the speed of truth.
Reflection Prompts
What old versions of me have I outgrown?
What am I becoming that I don’t yet have language for?
Where am I trying to rush instead of rest?
What would it feel like to honor this space as holy?
NEXT - The Year I Stood Between Us
The personal story of the year I stopped pulling her along and started standing in my truth.
