What Love Looks Like When I’m Healing
From The Healing Series
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Love that honors the process—not the performance
Love feels different when I’m healing.
It’s not fireworks. It’s not a rescue mission.
It doesn’t chase or fix or demand.
It holds. It witnesses. It waits without pressure.
I’m not looking for love to fill a hole anymore.
I’m tending a flame.
A flame I’ve kept alive through grief, growth, and getting free.
The Old Version of Love I Carried…
When I was still deep in pain, I wanted love to fix everything.
I performed for it. I worked for it. I negotiated for slivers of it.
I mistook attention for affection.
I confused approval with belonging.
I was afraid that if I showed my full truth, it would be too much.
But healing taught me this:
Love isn’t something I have to perform to keep.
It’s something I deserve to receive when I feel safe enough to stay.
Not perfect. Not polished. Just present.
What Love Looks Like Now…
It’s gentler. And more honest.
It looks like:
Someone asking “How can I support you?” instead of “What’s wrong with you?”
Being able to say “I need space,” and not be punished for it
Feeling safe enough to not be “on”
Trusting that emotional honesty won’t make them leave
Love now looks like being met—not managed.
Held—not handled.
Heard—not fixed.
The Protector, the Provider, and the Peace I’ve Earned
Friday, in the grocery store, I noticed a woman who seemed kind.
There was connection. Warmth. Something soft between us.
And I didn’t follow up.
At first, I thought it was fear.
But now I know it was protection.
Before I even knew her name, some part of me was scanning—
trying to make sure she didn’t get too close too fast.
Trying to protect her from me.
Trying to protect me from what might go wrong.
That’s my protector.
He’s loyal. He’s fierce.
He kept me alive.
But now?
I can thank him for his service.
He can sheath the sword.
He’ll be called upon when needed—but he doesn’t need to guard every glance anymore.
Then there’s the provider.
I still show up. I still provide.
I’m raising two incredible daughters into their adult lives.
And while I make well above average money, I carry debt from a past relationship
where we often spent more than we had.
I’ve had to be creative to make ends meet.
So even though love is stirring, a part of me wonders:
“What if I’m not enough? What if I can’t provide what someone else needs?”
But here’s what I know:
Providing is about presence.
It’s about telling the truth.
It’s about being a partner, not a provider with a paycheck.
The woman I’ll eventually be with?
She will have her own life, her own strength, her own rhythms.
She won’t need rescuing.
She’ll want truth.
She’ll want kindness.
She’ll want to walk beside someone who’s done the inner work.
And that’s exactly who I’m becoming.
The THX Frameworks at Work in Love That Honors Healing
12 Utilities:
Access: I can show up in my truth—not just my performance
Ease of Use: I don’t have to justify or rehearse my worth
Security: I can grow without the fear of punishment
Value: I am loved for my presence—not my paycheck
PERMAH in Action:
Positive Emotion: Joy, laughter, quiet beauty
Meaning: I find depth in slow, honest connection
Relationships: I attract love that holds space, not pressure
Admiration Equation:
I admire myself for being real—not for being perfect
I admire her for being grounded and kind
Together, we admire how love can feel like freedom
A Blessing for This Stage:
May I be loved for who I am—not who I perform to be.
May I be met with grace when I say, “This is still healing.”
May I be safe in someone’s presence—without losing mine.May I learn that love is not a transaction.
It’s a remembering.
A returning.
A sacred invitation to be seen and stay.
Reflection Prompts:
What kind of love am I now available for?
How has healing shifted the way I want to give and receive love?
Where do I still feel the need to perform—and how can I lay that down?
What does it look like to meet someone as a partner, not a provider?
NEXT - Receiving Without Earning
You don’t have to prove you’re worthy of love, rest, joy, or peace.
