When Holidays Hurt: A THX Reflection on Healing, Tradition, and Self-Compassion
From the THX Series Hub: THX Reflections & Personal Essays
For some, Easter and other sacred days arrive like warm light after a long winter.
But for others, they sting.
Maybe because of what was lost.
Maybe because of who isn’t here.
Maybe because faith was the tool of your abuser, or the place you were told not to speak.
Maybe because your body still remembers something your mind tries to forget.
If that’s you, this post is for you.
You are not broken. You are not alone. And your experience belongs in the conversation about human flourishing.
When Traditions Trigger: Reframing the 12 Utilities
The 12 Utilities were built to measure value. But for the hurting, they also help reveal where the pain lives.
Availability: Painful memories are often the most available—arriving without warning.
Access: It can feel hard to access support, peace, or even your own voice.
Security: Holidays can crack open safety, bringing contact with people or feelings you’ve worked hard to protect yourself from.
Clarity: Confusion about what you should feel or do adds to the burden.
Ease of Use: When you're grieving or recovering, nothing feels easy—not even breathing.
Emotion Evoked: Overwhelm, guilt, numbness, rage… the holiday doesn't wait for you to be ready.
Value: You might ask, “What’s the point of this day anymore?”
Where Flourishing Begins: The Micro-Moments of PERMAH
Flourishing isn’t a leap. It’s a flicker. A series of small lights in the dark. Even in grief, even in trauma, even in exhaustion—these are possible:
Positive Emotion: A breath of fresh air. A favorite song. The dog’s ridiculous ears flopping as they run toward you.
Engagement: Losing yourself in baking, walking, painting, weeding—even for 20 minutes.
Relationships: Texting one safe person. Saying no to one unsafe one.
Meaning: Reclaiming a ritual—lighting a candle, writing a letter to someone gone, planting something that will bloom later.
Achievement: Showering. Not shouting. Telling your story. Staying.
Health & Wellbeing: Drinking water. Taking meds. Saying “I can’t go this year.” Or “I’m trying.”
Flourishing doesn’t require perfection. It begins with permission.
Admiration Looks Different Here
If you’ve survived trauma, you already embody:
Skill: The invisible skill of surviving what others can’t see.
Goodness: The courage to stop cycles. To choose healing. To protect others.
Awe: You are here. Still here. After that. That is awe.
Gratitude: For the parts of you that didn’t give up. For the people, pets, or places that gave you shelter.
You Don’t Have to Celebrate. You Can Still Be Celebrated.
Maybe you’re skipping church this year. Maybe you’re rewriting what resurrection means. Maybe you’re just surviving the day.
That, too, is sacred.
So here's a gentle THX invitation:
What is one micro-moment of peace, beauty, or agency you can choose for yourself today?
Light a candle. Make toast. Take a nap. Call a friend. Walk outside. Write your own liturgy. Skip the gathering. Go for the chocolate.
You are allowed to protect your peace.
You are allowed to change the tradition.
You are allowed to rest.
Healing is holy.
Quick Links
🌷 When Tradition Nourishes
For those finding joy, meaning, or connection in rituals old and new.
Explore how tradition offers security, closure, and awe through the THX frameworks. Discover how the simple act of showing up can become transformational.
🌑 When Holidays Hurt
For those navigating grief, trauma, or complicated feelings this season.
This reflection honors the reality that holy days can reopen wounds. Through the lens of the 12 Utilities and PERMAH, we explore how small acts of agency, peace, and self-kindness can help you make it through—and maybe even grow.
🔥 When You’re Starting Something New
For those building their own rituals—by choice or necessity.
Whether you’re newly on your own, reclaiming your voice, or creating meaning from scratch, this post walks you through how to craft traditions that feel true using the THX frameworks and the deep emotional ROI of the Admiration Equation.