Chapter 2: Hijacking PERMAH
From the THX Series Hub: The Narcissist’s Playbook & The Life After
Author’s Note
This post reflects lived experience and observed dynamics. It is not a diagnosis.
If you’re recovering from psychological manipulation or emotional abuse, you may recognize some of these patterns. Take what helps, pause when needed, and know this:
Your experience matters. And you’re not alone.
How narcissists distort what makes life worth living—and make you think it’s your fault.
The PERMAH framework defines what flourishing looks like:
Positive Emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, Achievement, Health & Wellbeing.
It’s how humans feel alive—on purpose, at peace, and in connection.
But narcissists don’t just block PERMAH.
They hijack it.
They mimic the signs of love, growth, meaning, and joy… not to help you flourish—but to feed their own need for control, validation, and image management.
They manufacture emotional highs. But the joy is temporary. The purpose is manipulated. The relationship becomes a system of extraction.
It feels like connection.
It’s actually captivity.
Positive Emotion
My Experience:
At first, I felt seen. Loved. Important. She mirrored everything I hoped for. The laughter was real. So was the hope.
Then it turned. The compliments became corrections. The jokes had edges. The warmth came with warnings. I started chasing the emotional high that had hooked me in.
The Hijack:
They don’t create happiness—they manufacture dependency. You learn to regulate your emotions based on their moods.
The Takeaway:
If joy only exists when they approve of you, it’s not joy—it’s permission.
Engagement
My Experience:
I was always engaged—but not in flow. I was scanning for danger. Anticipating reactions. Rehearsing conversations. I wasn’t thriving. I was surviving.
The Hijack:
You’re constantly engaged, but never grounded. Your energy goes to monitoring their needs, not meeting your own.
The Takeaway:
True engagement leads to creativity and calm—not hypervigilance.
Relationships
My Experience:
I was isolated. Friends faded. Family felt unsafe. She criticized everyone else and made herself the center. I didn’t see it clearly at first—but eventually, I realized: I wasn’t being protected. I was being cut off.
The Hijack:
They create an illusion of intimacy—while systematically undermining every other connection.
The Takeaway:
If love costs you your community, it’s not love. It’s control.
Meaning
My Experience:
I believed I had a purpose in her life—that I could help her heal. That I was the strong one. That maybe my pain had a reason.
But the purpose was always moving. And the more I gave, the more it took.
The Hijack:
They sell you a narrative of redemptive suffering. You’re not growing—you’re being used to sustain their ego.
The Takeaway:
Meaning isn’t about martyrdom. It’s about mutuality.
Achievement
My Experience:
I built a career. Raised kids. Held everything together. But none of it counted. She minimized what I did and maximized what I didn’t. If I succeeded, she’d find a flaw. If I stumbled, she’d make it a headline.
The Hijack:
Your progress is a threat. So they dismiss it, sabotage it, or claim it.
The Takeaway:
If your wins make them distant or defensive, they’re not a partner. They’re a competitor.
Health & Wellbeing
My Experience:
I stopped sleeping. Lost weight. Got sick more often. My nervous system never reset. I had to fight to keep my kids safe while pretending things were fine.
She told others I was unstable. But the truth is—I was breaking under the weight of managing her chaos, her moods, her version of reality.
The Hijack:
They create the crisis, then call your reaction the problem.
The Takeaway:
If healing only begins when they leave, that wasn’t a relationship—it was a system of harm.
Final Words
Narcissists don’t just hurt you.
They reframe what life, love, and purpose are supposed to feel like.
They hijack the very elements of human flourishing—and make you believe your suffering is either noble, deserved, or your fault.
But PERMAH can’t be faked forever.
Eventually, your body, your mind, and your spirit will all start whispering the same thing:
This isn’t right. This isn’t safe. This isn’t love.
And when you hear that whisper—believe it.
Quick Links
Framework-based essays that decode the patterns, tactics, and predictable emotional logic of narcissistic behavior.
🔹 Chapter 1: The Illusion of Utility
Narcissists appear helpful, generous, and supportive—but what they offer isn’t true utility. This post unpacks how they simulate usefulness to create dependence, and how recognizing what was missing can be the first step toward freedom.
Using the lens of human flourishing, this piece explores how narcissists mimic love, meaning, and growth—not to connect, but to control. When every good thing gets twisted, how do you tell what’s real?
🔹 Chapter 3: Twisting the Admiration Equation
Admiration should feel earned, mutual, and expansive. But narcissists distort it into obligation. This post reveals how they manipulate skill, goodness, awe, and gratitude to extract loyalty—and punish doubt.
🔹 Chapter 4: When Admiration Becomes Worship
This entry shows what happens when admiration is no longer enough. Narcissists demand reverence, punish independence, and expect silence in the face of harm. Love is replaced by performance—and dissent becomes betrayal.
🔹 Chapter 5: Prospect Theory and Narcissism
Why do narcissists explode over small things? This post uses behavioral economics to explain how narcissists experience boundaries, autonomy, and truth as losses—and why they’ll do anything to avoid them.
🔹 Chapter 6: The Micro-Moment Manipulation
Sometimes what keeps us hooked isn’t the big promises—it’s the little moments. This piece explores how narcissists use micro-moments of affection and relief to reset your hope and obscure the harm.
🔹 Chapter 7: RKYC for Survivors
Originally designed as a business tool, “Really Know Your Customer” becomes a healing practice here. This post helps survivors rediscover their truth, needs, and voice—after years of emotional distortion.
A quiet offering for those who stayed too long, left too late, or are still trying to name what happened. This piece honors survivors, holds space for grief, and speaks to the person you used to be.
📖 Author’s Note & Series Closure
This final entry reflects on why the series was written, how the THX frameworks helped decode personal experience, and what it means to move forward—with clarity, dignity, and your story intact.